I have fighting to lose the excess weight for more than 15 years now. I have tried every possible diet one can think of. Like Nike, some people just "do it". It hasn't been the case for me :(. I admit that it is a struggle that has somewhat defined the past 15 years of my life and that I perceive as a constant depiction and reminder of my inadequacy to achieve what others, more willing and able than I, have. This said inadequacy has tainted many areas of my life and has cost me immeasurably. Moreover, I suffer from PCOS which is a severe hormonal disease which affects the reproductive system and creates a pear-shaped figure with a very heavy belly or mid-section area, incessant facial hair growth, infertility, and various other issues... It is SOOOOOO embarrassing to walk into a room or into a store and to always have people glance at your belly as if you are a circus act. It's a quick glance but you are trained to catch it because it has become such a part of your life at this point. People just can't help themselves, and as much as you rationalize it to yourself, it still affects you subconsciously.
Most people think having surgery is the easy way out due to a lack of discipline, determination, hard work, and willpower. I am here to tell you that it is NOT. It is actually the hard way out. It is the decision to put your life on the line in order to release yourself from the shackles created by living in an obese body. It is about conquering the lingering feelings of low-self worth, chronic depression, and constant need to medicate all of life's stresses with comfort food. It is about giving your spirit a fighting chance to accomplish what it is here to do. It is about conquering social fears. It is about being humble enough to recognize your weaknesses. It is surrendering to the fact that you need help to help reset your system and that you are not strong enough to do it alone. It is realizing that what is eating you may be causing you to overeat. It is coming to the realization that all the complications from surgery are worth the risk. It is reaching the point of surrender; to accept that whether you make it out or not of the operating room is still your only way out of this prison, out of this body.
I wish I had it in me to do another diet, to obsess about the gym, to give it a few more months. I just know that I don't. I owe it to myself to live a healthy, confident, successful, and happy life. Now, I know that solving the weight issue will not be a panacea. However, it will give me a booster to intensively perform transformative work, inward and outward. It is my commitment to myself.
I will keep this post updated and will muster the courage to add pictures and videos along the way.
Looking forward to the greatest year of my life!
Love always! :)
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